Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 28 July 2010

image for Inmate Lindsay "Lips of Love" Lohan (#362436) Has A Brand New Prison 'Boyfriend' - LaTunga "Da Daddy" Ferguson
Lohan's 'boyfriend' LaTunga says she loves 'Lippy's' long, luscious, lovely legs.

LOS ANGELES - The warden of The Zsa Zsa Gabor Prison For Women, Noah Westbunker, has verified the rumor that inmate Lindsay Lohan has in fact become the girlfriend of fellow inmate LaTunga "Da Daddy" Ferguson (#270193).

Ferguson is imprisoned on charges of robbing a bank with a military rocket launcher in Santa Monica, California while dressed as Oprah Winfrey.

She is by far the tallest, fattest, meanest, most vulgar looking female convict in the entire California prison system.

"Da Daddy" as she is affectionately called stands 6 foot 9 inches tall and weighs 379 pounds. She has biceps that would make Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger cry like a little schoolgirl.

Ferguson reportedly also stole a herd of bison up in Wyoming and herded them down to Texas where she sold them to Pablo & Pepe's Bison Burgers Diner in San Antonio.

When LaTunga was asked what about Lindsay Lohan is it that first attracted her to the the pretty little starlet, she smiled, spit on the floor, and said, "I be fust attractitted ta da bitch when I fust see's her pretty, perky, puffy, papaya pom poms."

She was asked if she meant knockers.

"Yeah, dats what dey be called in high falutin places like where da moobie stars lives and all in Belly Hills."

Ferguson went on to say that she was also attracted to "Lippy's" cute little caboose, which she noted can sho nuff do some fust class chug-chuggin' along.

And then she added that her long, luscious, lovely legs were made for "Da Daddy" to play with once the cell lights go out at night.

LaTunga was asked about Lohan's freckles.

"Now holds on cupcake, doncha be gettin' ahead of me now cause iffin der be one teeng dat LaTunga here do not like it be when summun tries da get ahead of me."

Ferguson laughed, took a drink of her Ripple Wine Cooler and said, "And da other teeng dat I sho do likes about my white, skinny, little "Lips of Love" is her freckleized chicken wing, which I does believes dat y'all white folk refer to as a crotch cookie."

LaTunga was asked if Miss Lohan will be visiting her once she leaves Zsa Zas Gabor and goes back into society.

"Da Daddy" got a serious look on her face. And she said, "Ta answer da question. Da answer be uh huh. And iffin I finds out dat some other white, skanky ho be messin wiff my property, dat be Lippy, I will find me's a way da break out of dis hell hole and I will track down da ho and I will eat her up starting from her ears and working my way down to ta toes."

In a related story. Lindsay's ex-boyfriend Samantha Ronson was told about LaTunga Ferguson's remarks. And she replied, "Hey, lissen up homes. Da big old bad ass black bitch can't eat me if she can't catch me. And as skinny as I am, I can outrun any 6 foot 9 inch 379 pound African-American ho like she was sitting down nibbling on a 22 pound effen watermelon ya hear?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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