Written by Nick Hobbs
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Monday, 26 July 2010

image for Cheryl Refuses Ashley Hospital Visit
Not a mosquito but the closest I could find, yesterday.

Cheryl Coal has sensationally refused to see estranged husband Ashlee after he attempted contact during her recent near death illness from malaria.

Ashlee made several attempts to gain access to her chambers. He began by 'phoning her on her mobile, but Mrs Coal did not answer due to a strict 'no mobile telephones' policy in the hospital.

He then tried sweet talking Chezzers mum, but that was a no go as she hates him for being a cheating knobber.

His final attempt was to try breaking in to her room. The unintelligent footballer figured that the only way he could succeed, was with an inventive disguise.

Detective Constable Dudley Neutron explained "we first got wind of Ashlee's plan when Cheryl and her mum tipped us off that he'd been pestering them, of course we immediately increased security."

Police experts are sure that if Ash had chosen a doctors uniform or caretakers smock, then his plans to gain access may well have succeeded.

"One of my officers," continued DC Neutron "spotted what appeared to be a six foot mosquito hanging around at the end of the corridor. On further investigation it was a foam joke shop costume being sported by the aforementioned estranged husband of the complainant."

"We took the relevant steps and swatted it," he finished.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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