Written by IainB
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Sunday, 25 July 2010

image for Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz appear on Top Gear
David Cameron, no relation to Cameron Diaz, though is they married,she'd be Cameron Cameron

Pint Size Hollywood megastar, Cameron Diaz and the even shorter Tom Cruise appeared on popular motoring magazine show Top Gear, and went head to head in the reasonably priced car.

But who was faster.

According to the show, Diaz was 1.45.2, but Cruise was 1.44.4.

Both stars do their own stunts, but Cruise had to go second because of how far forward he needs his seat in order to reach the pedals. Diaz had the seat in it's most forward position, according to a source inside the show (some say he's been giving secrets to the Russians, while some say he cooks the food in the canteen, all we know, is he is called the Snitch). However, they producers of the show had to put a new seat into the reasonably priced car so that Cruise's little legs could make the car go at all.

This unbalanced the weight ratio of the car, and according to The Snitch, took three seconds off what his time would have been, and caused him to go onto two wheels around Gambon. So although officially, Cruise is top of the star in the reasonably priced car chart, and is completely unable to reach his own name, he isn't.

"The seat he was in was a child seat," said the Snitch, "It reduced the overall weight of the car. Plus they had to put a shorter gear box in the car so that the knob wasn't above his head, and lower the window. Modding the car cost more than the car, just so Cruise controlled the car at all."

Nobody has told Cruise, however, and he believes that his belief in Aliens allowed him to beat the lap record.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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