LONDON - Simon Cowell speaking from his London home Simple Simon Mansion, has stated that he feels that the perfect choice to replace him on the singing reality show American Idol is none other than Australian born Mel Gibson.
Cowell said that in the past few weeks alone, Gibson has shown that he is without a doubt the meanest, nastiest, vilest, vulgarest, piece of duck shit on both sides of the Atlantic.
Simon said that Gibson has gotten so out of hand that even he (Cowell) would hate to be one of the young kids going in for an audition and having to face the Gibster.
Cowell, did say that he is glad that one of the American Idol guidelines strictly stresses that none of the judges will attack, hit, kick, choke, or otherwise bring undue harm to any American Idol wannabee simply because the twit or twat is a horrendously horrible singer who could not find the key if it sneaked out of his or her butt and bit him or her on their wiener or hooha.
When reminded that Gibson has gotten so out of hand that he has even threatened to burn his own house down Cowell simply laughed and said, "Now ya see, dat's me point exactly...da man is a ticking time bomb...he can go off at any second, and dat is what it will take in order to replace me.
American Idol, which has lost lots of it devoted viewers, cannot afford ta replace me with goody goody two shoes such as Bret Michaels; Shania Twain; Harry Connick, Jr.; or even Rosie O'Donnell."
Cowell went on to say that the person who replaces him has got to be downright crazy, stupid, and pretty much certifiable, or a combination of all three such as someone like Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, Naomi Campbell, or his own personal favorite Mel "From Hell" Gibson.
SIDENOTE: The producers of American Idol Simon Shindlebocker and Simon Witleywine are both reportedly leaning toward hiring Mel Gibson. They say they now have to work out a type of legal waver in the event that Gibson does lose it all and ends up biting one of the AI audition contestants.