AUSTIN - Sandra Bullock was sitting high on her mansion, Casa La Sandra, located just outside of Austin thinking about her future.
She reportedly told an old high school friend, Bree Navarro that she misses Jesse so much she does not know if up is down, down is up, or if ex-baseball 'great' Bob Uecker is really Vice-President Joe Biden.
Bree could not believe her ears when she heard Sandy say that she has decided to take Jesse, aka "Messy" Jesse James back.
Navarro says she asked Bullock if she had bumped her friggin head or what. She told her that she could probably have her pick of 18 or 19 million good-looking, nice, decent, and well-off red-blooded American guys and why in the world would she want to go back to a scum-sucking, low-life, bottom-feeding piece-of-armadillo-shit A-hole like Jesse.
Sandra turned white. She then turned pink. She then said, "Bree, you never did like Jesse did you?"
"Ah, you mean Jesse 'Dick With Feet' James, the man who cheated on my best friend, 'you' by committing adultery with at least half a dozen women that we know of.
The man who was intimate with half a dozen ugly ass tattooed skanks...ho's who did not deserve to even be with a rotten, punk scoundrel like Mel "From Hell" Gibson?...ah sorry Sandy, no I not only do not like the turd twit, I don't like his outlaw sounding name."
Sandra smiled. She then said, "But, Bree don't you think that people can change?"
Bree laughed and replied, "Sandy. Yes. People can change. Addresses can change. Even diapers can change. But alley cat, skirt chasing peckerwoods like Jesse do not change.
Oh sure "Messy" Jesse will change for a little while. But the first time little Sandy "Miss Best Actress" Bullock runs off to Georgia, or Minnesota, or Delaware to make another movie, guess what? Peckerhead will pop out and go out trolling for his scummy, tattooed, carnival sideshow freaks."
Sandra softly smiled. She took a drink of her Papaya Margarita and simply said, "Bree Jesse is different...I know he is."
In related Texas news. Governor Rick Perry has texted California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and told him that if he would like he will gladly send two of his best Texas Rangers to cross the Atlantic, pick up that piece of longhorn poop Roman Polanski, and hand deliver the child molester to the Governor's office in Sacramento.