Written by Bureau
Print this

Wednesday, 21 July 2010

image for Jennifer Anniston Wins Restraining Order!

Actress Jennifer Aniston won a restraining order on Tuesday against a man who was found prowling around carrying a sharp object, ten rolls of duct tape, tar, feathers, a vuvuzela, lots of big diapers and other items.

Aniston's publicist Henry Davidson told us that the man was arrested earlier this month "outside a location he thought she frequents, but it was a location she in fact has never been to. How the police figured that one out, I don't know."

"He claims that Jennifer is crazy about him but she's afraid to admit it because he is a 'commomer'."

Jason Peltier, 22, was ordered to stay 100 yards away from the home, work and vehicles of the former "Friends" star, according to the judgment.

He was carrying a bag, a note, a roll of duct tape and messages about Aniston, 41, denying that she is 41. His car was also carved with large messages reading "I LOVE JENNIFER ANISTON", "Ralph Nader For President" and "Ole Mighty Paul The Octopus!", All Fall Before Him!"

In the past, Peltier has stabbed himself and hit his own mother with a golf club, while calling her 'Tiger' and voted for Barack Obama. He has previously been institutionalized and placed on anti-psychotic drugs.

Peyton also believes he is related to numerous celebrities including Oprah, Paul The Octopus, Jay-Z, Haile Salassie, Donald Trump, Nelson Mandela, Bill The Cat and Jennifer Lopez, according to the document.

Make Bureau's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 1 multiplied by 4?

6 19 8 4
36 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more