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Wednesday, 21 July 2010

image for Jennifer Anniston Wins Restraining Order!

Actress Jennifer Aniston won a restraining order on Tuesday against a man who was found prowling around carrying a sharp object, ten rolls of duct tape, tar, feathers, a vuvuzela, lots of big diapers and other items.

Aniston's publicist Henry Davidson told us that the man was arrested earlier this month "outside a location he thought she frequents, but it was a location she in fact has never been to. How the police figured that one out, I don't know."

"He claims that Jennifer is crazy about him but she's afraid to admit it because he is a 'commomer'."

Jason Peltier, 22, was ordered to stay 100 yards away from the home, work and vehicles of the former "Friends" star, according to the judgment.

He was carrying a bag, a note, a roll of duct tape and messages about Aniston, 41, denying that she is 41. His car was also carved with large messages reading "I LOVE JENNIFER ANISTON", "Ralph Nader For President" and "Ole Mighty Paul The Octopus!", All Fall Before Him!"

In the past, Peltier has stabbed himself and hit his own mother with a golf club, while calling her 'Tiger' and voted for Barack Obama. He has previously been institutionalized and placed on anti-psychotic drugs.

Peyton also believes he is related to numerous celebrities including Oprah, Paul The Octopus, Jay-Z, Haile Salassie, Donald Trump, Nelson Mandela, Bill The Cat and Jennifer Lopez, according to the document.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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