Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 20 July 2010

image for Will Lindsay Lohan Go On The Run Like Raoul Moat?
I Never Heard Of Raoul Moat Either.

Hollywood - Skoob News notoriously unreliable Hollywood 'Man On The Street', Philly Blunt, called our office this morning to alert us to rumours that troubled Bad Girls star Lindsay Lohan will fail to appear in Beverly Hills today to begin her 90 day jail sentence.

Blunt told us that the word on the street is that Lohan will do a runner, like that English guy Raoul Moat, or the two women out of Thelma And Louise.

"There appears to be some substance in these outlandish claims," Blunt told us. "LiLo clearly doesn't want to do jail time, partly because it will severely curtail her 'wild child' activities, and partly because of the inevitable attention she will receive from butch bull dyke cellblock lesbians."

UK police are reported to be on standby with tasers at the ready, practicing their shouting, and ready to roll at a moment's notice, but Hollywood sources insist that they probably won't be needed.

If Lohan has gone on the run with a bottle of Jim Beam and a cell phone, the LAPD are confident that they can handle it.

"We'll probably play a waiting game," Officer Dirk Dagger told our man. "Once we have her cornered, we'll contain her until she runs out of booze, and then when the shakes and the DT's kick in, we'll nab her. Always assuming that she does go on the run. Because that hasn't been confirmed yet."

Lohan's lawyer, Jacob Scamswein III told Philly Blunt:

"Where did you get this shit from? You sick fucks! Of course my client doesn't want to go to jail, but that doesn't mean she's gonna go on the run and spark a nationwide manhunt. Get the hell outa here you fuckin' douchebag!"

Strong words indeed. Highly emotive. Will she? Won't she?

We'll let you know when we make it up.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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