Written by Skoob1999
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Monday, 19 July 2010

image for Shock Revelation - Liam Gallagher Only 5'8" Tall!
Liam Blasting Out Champagne Super Nova In Hampstead.

Liam Gallagher fans were left shocked, stunned, amazed, and in no small part deflated today by the earth-shattering revelation that Liam Gallagher is only 5'8" tall.

The former hell raising Oasis frontman had kind of implied that he was a bit bigger than that, what with his swagger and his big gob and aggressive attitude and all that, but Skoob News can confirm that Liam is only 5'8" tall.

Which puts him on a par with Cheryl Tweedy (Cole) in 5" heels, or around about the level of David Beckham's collar bone.

For his part, according to sources, Liam doesn't give a fook, and insists that dynamite comes in small packages, insisting that his passion would ensure that he'd easily deck Lennox Lewis or David Haye because he's "well up for it" and swears a lot.

The word on the street has it that when the Burnage hillbilly's eyebrows finally grow apart, he'll grow another inch.

But he'll still only be a short arse.

Which apparently was a major factor in the break up of Oasis, as fans wondered why he always slouched when he caterwauled. Coupled with the fact that only a short bloke looks half way reasonable wearing a fookin parka.

Our sole Salford correspondent told us that Liam should just fookin shurrup an stop bein a cock end, as he's lowering the tone.

"I mean" our man said. "Ronnie fookin Corbett never went around pretending he was hard. So what gives that short-arsed croaky voiced City supporting knob-gobbler the right? The man's a fucking twerp."

The controversy rumbles on.

Liam is such a cock though, that he wouldn't look entirely out of place at White Hart Lane. With the other preening cockerels.

According to sources.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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