Written by victor nicholas
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Sunday, 18 July 2010

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Ronny Said No to Polanski

Swansea - Ronny Ronson, a 31 year old coal miner from Blaenavon has stepped forward and accused movie director Roman Polanski of attempting to have sex with him.

"I was in Swansea for the weekend lifting a few jars at the Black Crowe when who should walk in but Polanski, if you can believe it. Of course I knew it was him right away. So he walks over to me direct and all and tells me he wants to have sex with me."

"Course I'm not one to take it up the coal chute but I don't turn down a free drink from a friend either so next thing you know it ole Roman is pushing drinks my way to try and take advantage of me while talking gibberish in French-Polish-English. We heard that Polanski had a thing for miners. Say what you will, we miners stick together so I kept me back to the wall and one eye on Roman while watching footy."

"We was having had a grand ole time with him talking about his movies and all and me telling him about my mates and me working the mine. Then Mitch joined us and told Roman how he and his buds reinact the fight scene from Macbeth every Friday at the Crowe using beer pitchers."

"Fifty-two pints later there I am still fit as fiddle story telling and just getting to my aunts and uncles when I look down and see boy genius snoring under the table.""

"Good thing he left his bar tab open, I said to miself."

Swansea police officials have not laid charges.

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