After shamelessly pushing herself as a replacement for Cheryl Tweedy (Cole) on the X-Factor, and slipping from the headlines of the Daily Scar for the second time in three years, Katie Price now claims that Death Squads are out to kill her.
Most commentators tend to agree that Price is a pain in the arse, but our research reveals that the harsh reality is that the vast majority of people really don't give a toss what she does next, because she's loud, vulgar, and basically as boring as arseholes. Which raises the question: Who could possibly want her dead?
Possibly more relevant - who would pay good money to shut her up? None of this makes any sense to seasoned reporters.
Cynics contend that Price will stop at nothing in order to provide lurid headlines for her Daily Scar paymasters. We here at Skoob News have been alerted to upcoming Katie Price stories alleging that she is an Al Qaeda operative, a mafia don, the true pioneer of astro-physics, the inspiration behind Beethoven's 9th Symphony and the true daughter of God.
Seems she's not content with trying to look like Anjelica Houston, as Morticia, in the Addams Family movies, but that she simply can't resist taking the piss.
Frankly, Skoob News doesn't believe a word of all this pith and nonsense.
More large breasted bollocks as we get it.