WEST HOLLYWOOD - As if poor little mistreated and misunderstood Lindsay Lohan does not have enough carbohydrates on her plate already, now comes word that the infamous "LiLo" may be carrying a child.
One of L.A.'s most popular hair stylists FuFi Fondue reportedly told his alleged boyfriend's cousin that when he did La Lohan's hair last week she reeked of pickles.
FuFi, as everyone calls him, except for his alleged boyfriend, Pinky Boy, who calls him FuFi FuFi, said that when he glanced in Lindsay's purse, he clearly saw a pint of Ben and Jerry's Mango Man Oh Man Oh Man Ice Cream.
The flamboyant FuFi, lispingly said that a craving for pickles and for ice cream are two sure signs that a female has been implanted with a baby seed deep in the darkest recessed cavity of her innermost loin orifice.
Fondue says that he did not want to just come out and ask LiLo if she was in fact expecting so he kind of worked the conversation over to that subject.
He says that he told Lohan that he had recently seen a magazine that was filled with baby pictures of famous celebrities and not-so-famous-anymore celebrities like Madonna, Burt Reynolds, Kenny Rogers, and 103-year-old Joan "The Moan" Rivers.
FuFi said that Lindsay's eyes quickly perked up. She asked who the cutest baby was. And FuFi told her that surprisingly enough it was Joan, who looked very much like a tiny little Cabbage Patch Doll.
Lohan asked who the ugliest baby was and FuFi without missing a beat replied, "Oh girlfriend, dat would have ta be that Madonna ho...my, oh my, oh my my...the poor thing looked like something out of one of those vampire movies."
Lohan laughed and said that she cannot stand Madonna. Fondue giggled, high-fived her, and gave her a fist bump and said, "Honey girl, who the eff can - the woman is impossible, she kinda of makes Mel "From Hell" Gibson seem like that French mime...what's his name, oh yeah Marshall Marsupial.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Ah the little Left Coat fairy actually meant to say Marcel Marceau.]