Sources informed Skoob News last night that Emma Watson would really like to get to the bottom (ooh errr!) of a number of scurrilously misleading headlines about her.
It appears that Ms Watson - Hermione out of the Harry Potter films - has expressed some serious alarums (That's Shakespearean that is, for sure - just the one word mind.) about certain Skoob News articles hinting at nude photographs and blowing.
Involving Ms Watson.
A Skoob News spokesman told Skoob News that Skoob News operated only under the editorial control of theSpoof.com and denied any wrongdoing, and absolved theSpoof.com of any responsibility for Skoob News content.
"We never said anything bad about Emma," the drunk bloke in charge of Skoob News told us. "All we did was drop a couple of double entendres in there. How people interpret a headline is purely up to them. We never said we had nude photographs of Emma Watson, or that she'd sucked anybody off. The interpretation was purely that of the reader."
Some bloke who claimed to know Emma Watson remained unconvinced. He told us:
"We don't care about Skoob News - you're nothing! What really is cause for concern is that the Colonel Juan chappie might latch on to Emma stories. That's the real concern. Or the Rodriguez chap. Then, people are actually going to start reading these stories in their thousands. And that really won't do. When we look at what these people have done to Cheryl Cole, Anna Chapman, Kate Gosselin and Eryka Baddhu - that's when it gets scary."
A Skoob news reporter informed the chap that Skoob News intended no malice, and maintained that Skoob News was simply pandering for points and kudos. Then went on to relate that Emma Watson had probably performed a sexual act at some point in her life.
Even if it was only a crafty spot of bean flicking.
More when we get out on parole.