Written by Rosey1
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Thursday, 15 July 2010

image for Cheryl Cole - past love revealed as Raoul Moat
Moat and Cole in happier times

Geordie lass turned good, Cheryl Cole has been revealed as a former partner of madman Raoul Moat. Information from an exclusive source has confirmed that reports of her recent "illness" due to "malaria" was a rouse to protect her from the madmans murderous rampage.

"Why-aye, Cheryl met Raoul through their mutual friend Gazza on a night out in Newcastle" our source tells us. "They were a canny couple, but split when Cheryl hit the big time and met soccer superstar Ashley Cole".

Sources, who don't know Cole at all, have admitted the the Malaria story was released to scare off hard man Moat, who she feared may come after her.

"Cheryl had a bit of a cold, but we thought that if we made it out to be a bit more than that he would stay away", our source revealed that following a bad experience with a sunbed at the gym, Moat was repulsed by tanned and jaundiced skin tones. "The fear of turning orange and clashing with his hair colour would have sent him on the run for a lot longer than a week" jokes our source.

It is thought that Cheryls former husband Ashley Cole, Black eyed peas frontman Will i am, and x factor ace Simon Cowell were all under armed police guard during the mad mans rampage.

"Ceryl was really worried about Will and Simon - however given the chance she would have sent Raoul straight to Ashley herself to save herself a job" joked our source.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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