Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 16 July 2010

image for America's Got Talent: Three Popular Contestants Are Princess Poppycock, Maricar The Dominatrix, and Justin Bieber Wannabee Nathaniel Kenyon
Sharon Osbourne has said that she would not mind it if AGT contestant Nathaniel Kenyon dated her daughter Kelly.

HOLLYWOOD - Mariah Carey's husband Nick "The Stick" Cannon, host of the award-winning talent show, America's Got Talent, has shown time after time that he is one of the most likable hosts on American TV.

Nicky Poo, as Mariah calls him when they are in bed, has allowed himself to be part of knife throwing acts, bicycle acts, sword swallowing acts, and he even participated in an act where a 571 pound woman literally stood on his head.

"Nick The Stick" says that he is not afraid of anything or anyone.

One of this year's most popular acts is a male (?) who dresses up in white face, and enough makeup to cover the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders for three weeks.

He (?) goes by the name of Princess Poppycock, and he looks like he would be right at home at a pinata party for Elton John, Clay Aiken, and Adam Lambert.

"PP" as he likes to be called (of course) said that he had a bit of a sore throat (uh huh) and he apologized for it affecting his singing voice which he says is as beautiful as Brenda Song's and Demi Lovato's put together, if one could somehow put the two voices together.

There was sad news for Mel Gibson's new "House Mate" however. Maricar, the whip-cracking, black leather wearing dominatrix-painter was eliminated from the competition.

Afterwards she was asked why she felt she was not sent through to the next round. She shrugged her shoulders and replied that maybe it was because two of the judges are somewhat gay. She was asked which of the two she felt were somewhat gay.

Mari Mari Oh Mari, as Gibson calls her when the bedroom lights go out, said that she kind of feels that it may be the two judges at either end of the judges table.

Maricar said that although she was very disappointed she really cannot complain too much since after all, she is living with Mel Gibson and the Aussie dude is worth somewhere around $400 million, down quite a bit from $1 billion, but still a whole hell of a lotta effen dinero (money).

One contestant who will be moving on in the competition is Nathaniel Kenyon, who looks like he could be the older brother of Justin Bieber. Nate definitely has Justy's hairdo down to the rowdy cowlick.

Kenyon sang a song that was made popular back in the mid 60s by a band from England named Herman's Hermits, "I'm Henry The Eighth, I Am."

The crowd simply loved his version which he sang with the same English accent as the original song was sung in. Many did feel that he should have opted not to use the vuvuzela player, but as he said, it is currently the most popular instrument in the entire world.

Nathaniel was voted to continue on in the competition. Judge Sharon Osbourne says that she feels that young Nate may end up winning it all. She also winked and said that she would not mind if young Mr. Kenyon decided to date her daughter Kelly.

In other news. Glenn Beck says that he wants to disprove the rumor that has been circulating throughout the East Coast that he has a Nazi Swastika tattooed on the tip of his male doohickey.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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