Written by Jeremy Paxman
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Thursday, 15 July 2010

image for Byker Grove to be Re-Launched as Burka Grove
The new "Burka Grove" set

While this reporter likes nothing better than dressing up in a Burka and sitting on a bus with a clock under my arm; it seems the political correctness climate has taken a turn for the worse with revelations from that a contemporary version of Biker Grove is to be re-launched, aptly titled "Burka Grove". Suicide bykers Ahmed and Mohammed will be replacing housewives favourites Ant and Dec.

A team of illegal immigrant Afghanis in ninja outfits has already hired to flesh out modern scripts that reflect British life in 2010 and one of their first editorial decisions was to centre the action around a fast food restaurant instead of a youth club. Leaked scripts confirm this will be called Burka King.

Test screenings have already been shown to selected ninja's, Islamic radicals and far right skinheads and the viewer feedback has been varied to say the least:

One viewer stated "I must admit, I didn't know much about Burka's till I saw what I thought was a nun walking over a frozen pond yesterday only to see her fell through the ice to my horror. Then I remembered the Burka Grove screening and realised it was only a Muslim bird in a Burka. I wondered later if she managed to get herself out?"

Another said "I'd like to thank the programme makers because immediately after watching all those women in Burka's I suddenly remembered I had an important letter to post."

A female viewer commented "I think it's a clever move because it's a great look. Nothing says 'I was forced into an arranged marriage with my cousin' like a Burka does."

A snippet is now being trailed on YouTube of the two main characters, Ahmed and Mohammed, playing the Muslim version of Guess Who? in the Burka Grove Islamic youth club / terrorist training centre. Mohammed asks "Is it a woman?". Then he asks "Is she wearing a Burka?" before winning the game when he incisively asks "Does she have a suicide belt?".

Rumours that fellow Geordie murderer Raoul Moat will also feature in the pilot episode are yet to be confirmed, although insiders have revealed that "shooting in the North East has already been completed."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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