Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 15 July 2010

image for Robert Pattinson Says That Courtney Love Called Him A "Dick" Simply Because She Is A "Cunt"
Courtney Love as she looks without make up, underwear, and deodorant.

LOS ANGELES - One of America's 'not-so-good-looking' women Courtney Love has called one of the most popular young actors in the nation a "Dick."

Love was eating a Sushi Pizza at L.A.'s The Pompous Pizza Parlor when she was asked what she thought about Pattinson playing the part of her late husband Nirvana lead singer Kurt Cobain.

Courtney got so angry she almost choked on a stick of Parmesan. She then stood up and said that she did not want to see Bobby Pattinson portray Kurt.

When asked why not, the vision of yuckiness replied because (1) Pattinson is much taller than Kurt. (2) Pattinson can't sing. (3) Pattinson is much better looking. and (4) Pattinson is much taller than Kurt.

Courtney was told that she had repeated her number 1 reason. She said that she had not. She was told that she had. She adamantly insisted that the reporter was wrong and that she was at least 89 percent sober and she would have known if she had repeated one of her reasons or not.

Pattinson was told about Love's insistence that she did not want him to portray her husband. He laughed. He shrugged his shoulders. And he said that Courtney Love really needs to get herself in to some kind of therapy group because she is rolling downhill faster than Gabourey Sidibe would roll down Mt. Shasta on a throw rug.

He then said that not only is Courtney one of the ugliest women in the entire nation. She has cellulite on her teeth, stretch marks on her tongue, and varicose veins on her lips.

Robert then said that basically on a scale of 1 to 10, Courtney Love is a "Cunt."

In other news. A reliable but unnamed source says that Glenn Beck has a collection of toy Nazi soldiers that numbers around 6,000. When asked about it, he denied it saying that they are really Peruvian soldiers wearing Nazi helmets and Nazi uniforms.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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