Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 14 July 2010

image for Brock Kelly Is Dating Ashley Greene and Joe Jonas Is Green With Envy
Ashley Greene reading an article in TV Guide about herself and her boyfriend Brock Kelly.

BUFFALO, New York - Brock Kelly and Ashley Greene were in Buffalo visiting beautiful Niagara Falls and purchasing some nifty souvenirs for Ashley's 91-year-old grandmother Greta Greene.

The couple have stated that they are in fact a couple and that they now know some fairly intimate secrets about each other which there is no way they would have known if they were merely just friends.

Brock said that he knows that Ashley loves to eat Strawberry Pop Tarts in bed. And Ashley said that she learned that Brock can count backwards from 200 to 1 in 47.4 seconds (in the nude).

Greene who has starred in all three Twilight Sagas says that she hopes to one day star in a vampire movie with Brock.

She pointed out that she is presently negotiating for the rights to Hamilton T. Applecreek's vampire novel Lady Labia - The Scourgess of The Carpathian Mountains.

Meanwhile a highly reliable source has stated that Joe Jonas is literally green with envy and is fit to be tied as he has been after Ashley for the past eleven months.

Jonas said that he wants Ashley so bad that he can actually taste her tonsils. When he was asked if that is physically possible, he nodded that it was and that he has even fantasized about touching her (blank) with his (blank).

[EDITOR'S NOTE: The above non-named reliable source informed me that the first (blank) is 'nookie' and the second (blank) is 'diddly dipper.']

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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