Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 9 July 2010

image for Lindsay Lohan's Lawyer Says She Quit Because The White Bitch Is Just Way Too Flaky, Fruity, and Nutty
The judge's gavel that Judge Marsha Revel has threatened to use on Lindsay Lohan's x-rated middle fingernail.

LOS ANGELES - Shawn Chapman-Holley, who up until today was Lindsay Dee Lohan's attorney, said she had to quit in order to keep from going crazy.

Chapman-Holley shook her head and said, "Damn. Ya know y'all dis here Lohan loon sho nuff be one flaky, fruity, and nutty ass bitch ho fa sho."

The attorney went on to say that she has represented hundreds of clients and many were as strangely weird as Miss Lohan, but none, not one made her feel as uncomfortable as Lohan did.

Shawn said that at times during the court proceedings she found that Miss Lohan was playing footsie under the table with her.

Another time she said that Lohan reached into her (Shawn's) skirt pocket and asked if she had a candy cigarette.

Miss Chapman-Holley says that she is afraid that Miss Lohan is going to get her cute, little, honky, white ass in a whole mess of trouble once she gets herself behind bars.

She said that she has already received three emails from female inmates incarcerated at The Zsa Zsz Gabor Prison For Women asking what kind of woman LiLo is into this week.

SIDENOTE: Shawn Chapman-Holley pointed out that Lindsay Lohan makes some of her other clients including Paris Hilton, Courtney Love, and Naomi Campbell seem like nun trainees by comparison.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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