Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 9 July 2010

image for Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Sell Their Vampire Sux Bar & Grill To The Dixie Chicks
The inside of The Vampire Sux Bar & Grill located in Houston.

HOUSTON - After being the owners of The Vampire Sux Bar & Grill in Houston for only three months, Rob Pattinson and Kris Stewart have decided that the restaurant business is not for them.

Pattinson said that both are just too busy with their vampire movie careers to give the bar and grill the hands on attention that it needs.

Stewart said that the couple popped in one day last week and noticed that the establishment had run out of hot dog buns and was serving the wieners on hamburger buns.

She also noted that the employees were watering down both the ketchup and the mustard.

But Kristen said that the last straw was when she saw that every single salt shaker in the diner only had about 20 to 30 grains of salt.

Robert said that he quickly made some phone calls and he was able to persuade the Houston based Dixie Chicks to purchase the establishment.

Natalie Maines, lead singer and one of the new owners of The Vampire Sux Bar & Grill, said that her and the other two band members decided to buy the eatery so that they can have a place for their band to perform every night.

She pooched out her lower lip and said that ever since she made her anti-George Bush statement in England, seven years ago, they have only been booked to play five times; three times as the opening act for The Eagles 2010 tour, one bar mitzvah in Brooklyn, and a quinceanera in East Los Angeles.

SIDENOTE: The other two members of the Dixie Chicks, sisters Emily Robison and Martie Maguire have promised that in between songs, Natalie Maines will not be allowed to open her friggin mouth.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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