Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Friday, 9 July 2010

image for Dumb Blondes Riot After Lindsay Lohan Found Guilty
"Oh Look! A Shoe Sale!"

New York, NY-- Thousands of dumb blondes went crazy in Manhattan on Friday after learning actress Lindsay Lohan will be sent to prison for violating her probation. The shallow starlet was sentenced on Tuesday, but it took three days for the dumb blondes to realize it. Once the information penetrated their thick skulls, the dumb blondes took to the streets in protest.

"Free Lindseed Lohan! Free Lois Lane, or Lana Lang, or whatever her f*cking name is!" shouted dozens of ditsy blondes. "Stop treating dumb blondes like we are dumb!" they shouted dumbly.

Thousands of dumb blondes marched down Fifth Avenue in their high heels. The blondes planned to smash windows, but changed their minds after seeing a sale on shoes at Macy's. After only one minute, the dumb blondes forgot why they were there, and they all went home.

Farrah Fizzyhead claimed to be president of a group called B.L.O.N.D.E. (Blondes Live ON Dumbly Everywhere) and wanted to make a statement about Lindsay Lohan.

"Look, she's one of us. She can't help it. Like, let her go. You know. And she has great shoes. And, like, there aren't any shoe stores in jail, are there??" asked the dumb blonde.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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