Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 7 July 2010

image for Lindsay "LiLo" Lohan Headin' To The Pokey For 90 Days
Cell #17 (second from left) which will be Lindsay "LiLo" Lohan's home for 90 days.

WEST HOLLYWOOD - A California judge has sentenced one of the Left Coast's biggest brats to serve jail time for violating the conditions of her parole.

Lindsay Dee Lohan, aka LiLo was sentenced to serve 90 days incarcerated at The Zsa Zsa Gabor State Prison For Women.

Lohan will be housed with convicted bank robbers, extortionists, jewel thieves, counterfeiters, money launderers, adulteresses, prostitutes, and teachers who slept with underage students.

The judge told Lindsay that she is sick and tired of her prima donna slash diva ways. She pointed out that just because she is a damn friggin movie star, and a not very good one at that, that she is not going to get away with just doing whatever the hell she feels like doing.

She added that Paris Hilton tried the very same thing and her cute little Beverly Hills ass also got tossed in the slammer.

It was only after Paris found out that the mean, vulgar, nasty female inmates were selling raffle tickets (for her as the prize) that she straightened herself up and mended her ways.

While incarcerated at Zsa Zsa Gabor, Lohan will work in the cafeteria making salads for dinner and afterwards she will sweep the entire cafeteria using a broom with a handle the size of a pencil.

Lohan asked the judge if she thinks that there is any possibility that she may be physically assaulted while in prison.

The judge looked her up and down giving her the once over three times. She smacked her lips and replied, "Uh huh, I would say that the possibility of that is real real high."

Lindsay, in a plea of desperation told the judge that she would promise to never again dishonor the grounds of her parole. The judge laughed and said that everyone says that.

Lohan asked, "They do?" And the judge replied that once a criminal is caught she suddenly becomes the little mistreated, abused, and misunderstood woman of the world.

Lilo pleaded again. The judge hit her gavel, nearly breaking it. "Now looky here, bitch britches, that's it. It is over. I have ruled. And now all you have to do is get your freckled ass ready to enter prison. I do not want to hear any begging, whining, or crying, and I sure better not hear any bribing because if I do, I will give you an extra 90 days on top of your 90 days."

Lohan did the 'zip your mouth sign,' lifted her boobs, and walked over to the water fountain. Her brand new girlfriend, Eilat Anschel, told her that she promised to wait for her.

LiLo kissed her on the mouth and the judge called her over and told her to never do that again. Lohan asked do what? The judge said that she ran a respectable courtroom and that she would not allow outbursts of lesbianism.

Lohan told the judge, "But judge we're lesbians, and that's what lesbians do."

"Two extra days tacked on to the 90."

"But judge" Lohan pleaded.

"And two more extra days tacked on to the two that I tacked on to the 90. Now do I hear a request for two more on top of all of that?...[SILENCE] good. I didn't think so."

To view some interesting photos of sexual goings on inside of The Zsa Zsa Gabor Prison For Women log on to www.zsazsagaborprisonforwomenfunpix.huh

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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