Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 7 July 2010

image for Tearful Lindsay Lohan Gets 90 Days In Jail
Do You Do Room Service? Where's The Bar?

Mean Girls and all round naughty girl star Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to 90 days in jail yesterday by a Beverly Hills court on a charge of breaching bail conditions.

Lohan had apparently failed to attend the required number of alcohol dependency classes or somesuch, and burst into tears as the judge sent her to the slammer.

Lohan, these days more famous for being photographed falling about drunk outside nightclubs and showing off her underwear, than for anything she ever accomplished in a professional capacity, promptly burst into tears and shook her head in shock. Because she won't be going to any bars anytime soon, and could be incarcerated with a bunch of big bull-dyke lesbians.

It appears that the star - who was fitted with a substance abuse detecting ankle bracelet recently - thought she'd be simply given a scolding. But she made a bad call on that one.

Sources say that Lohan continued to abuse alcohol, despite the ankle bracelet, and got away with it by drinking with her foot in a bucket of cold water. Not a very effective way to circumvent the system in public, but fine for watching E-The Entertainment Network, at home with a bottle of scotch.

One observer, who was present in court told our reporter that Lohan sobbed to her lawyer:

"How the fricking hell am I gonna survive 90 days in the God damned joint, without booze?"

But we can't confirm that.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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