Written by Stevey G.
Print this
Topics: Ashley Cole, Crabs

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

image for 'Ashley Cole gave me 'Crabs' ' claims Sarah Purnell
Ants......the closest picture we could find for 'pubic lice'

The jilted ex-girlfriend of foot-baller Ashley Cole, who was unceremoniously dumped earlier this week (see Ashley Cole dumps Sarah Purnell.....by text), has sensationally claimed that Ashley Cole left her....with 'crabs'.

The 23 year-old lap dancer has claimed that after spending a night of passion with Cole she noticed some 'itching and burning of the pubic area'.

Purnell went on to say 'Being a virgin, up until Ashley, I thought at first that this might be normal. I remember that I was on my way from the hospital, where I do unpaid charity work with the elderly, to church for Evensong when the symptoms first started.'

Fortunately, Purnell (a 23 year old lap dancer), had the foresight to visit her doctor who diagnosed her as suffering from pediculosis pubis, better known as pubic lice, or 'crabs'.

The 23 year old lap dancer is certain that Cole was the source of the infection. 'I've never been with anyone else' she confirmed.

Sarah Purnell who (did we mention) is a 23 year old lap dancer, said that she would be seeking financial recompense from Cole for the discomfort and embarrassment caused.

Purnell also had a warning for other girls tempted by Cole.
'Think on girls', she said ' a night with Cole may leave you with more than you bargained for'.

Rather salutary advice, we feel.

Make Stevey G.'s day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.

Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 4 multiplied by 5?

5 20 18 16
57 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience on our website, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more