Written by Stevey G.
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Topics: Ashley Cole, Crabs

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

image for 'Ashley Cole gave me 'Crabs' ' claims Sarah Purnell
Ants......the closest picture we could find for 'pubic lice'

The jilted ex-girlfriend of foot-baller Ashley Cole, who was unceremoniously dumped earlier this week (see Ashley Cole dumps Sarah Purnell.....by text), has sensationally claimed that Ashley Cole left her....with 'crabs'.

The 23 year-old lap dancer has claimed that after spending a night of passion with Cole she noticed some 'itching and burning of the pubic area'.

Purnell went on to say 'Being a virgin, up until Ashley, I thought at first that this might be normal. I remember that I was on my way from the hospital, where I do unpaid charity work with the elderly, to church for Evensong when the symptoms first started.'

Fortunately, Purnell (a 23 year old lap dancer), had the foresight to visit her doctor who diagnosed her as suffering from pediculosis pubis, better known as pubic lice, or 'crabs'.

The 23 year old lap dancer is certain that Cole was the source of the infection. 'I've never been with anyone else' she confirmed.

Sarah Purnell who (did we mention) is a 23 year old lap dancer, said that she would be seeking financial recompense from Cole for the discomfort and embarrassment caused.

Purnell also had a warning for other girls tempted by Cole.
'Think on girls', she said ' a night with Cole may leave you with more than you bargained for'.

Rather salutary advice, we feel.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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