Written by Mark Lowton
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Thursday, 3 July 2003

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Rowling - Upset

Creator of Harry Potter, J. K. Rowling was arrested at lunch today on a charge of causing death by misadventure of a group of school children at their primary school.

The children had formed what can only be called a sect, based upon the lives and actions of the characters in the Harry Potter chronicles. They spent most of their time reading, discussing and re-enacting the events in the books. When the latest book was released, the children spent five days locked in the bedroom of one sect member reading the book tens of times over and over. The sect leader, 'Harry', is said to have been able to read the whole book backwards from memory.

"They were always doing Harry Potter things," said one distraught father, "and it's been all hyped up on the TV and we saw other kids doing things like it so we never gave it any second thoughts. Why were we all so blind? Surely someone should've seen this coming and burned this book, and that witch who wrote it too."

On the evening of Saturday, 28th June 2003, the children all gathered at their school. Police are still baffled as to how the children gained entrance to the school grounds, which are surrounded by 8ft tall high security fencing and a locked 10ft tall wrought iron gate. The children are then believed to have scrambled to the top of a building and are then thought to have died after launching themselves from the roof.

The children were found later that evening by a teacher at the school and were all dressed in strange costumes. There was also a collection of sticks found a few metres from the scene. It appears the children were attempting to "fly" from the building on brush handles, which on closer inspection all had the words "Nimbus 2000" scratched into the heads. Police believe the children were trying to play a game of Quiddich, a fictional sport invented by Ms. Rowling.

Rowling was not available for interview, however I was dining with a colleague at the same restaurant when she was arrested. As the police officers approached her table, I presumed she thought they wanted her autograph because I heard her ask the friend with whom she was dining for a pen. Instead, the policeman cautioned her, stating he was arresting her for causing the deaths of the children through her writing.

Similar events are now reported to have occurred worldwide, however this is the first incident to have resulted in death.

Around the globe hundreds of dumb kids are injuring themselves attempting to "fly" on broomsticks, emulating their fictional heroes.

We can only speculate the brain-washing effects of the books have got grossly out of hand. Intended only as a marketing ploy by Ms. Rowling to ensure the sale of her works, it has resulted in the deaths of young and very impressionable dumb kids.

Rowling was released on bail this afternoon (Tuesday 1st July). We will bring you more on the situation as it develops.

TheSpoof verdict: Guilty as hell.[/i]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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