LEIGHTON BUZZARD, England - Simon Cowell was in the town of Leighton Buzzard visiting one of his aunts when he was approached by a member of the local newspaper, The Leighton Buzzard Crumpet Trumpet.
The reporter, Nigel Figgington, asked him why it has been so long since he has been seen with his lovely fiancee Mezhgan Hussiany.
Cowell rolled his eyes and said that if he could be honest he dumped Mezghan back in April. When he was asked why he simply replied because since her background included being an Afghani Freedom Fighter she was a bit on the non-feminine side.
Simon stressed that she was okay and actually quite girly from her two perfectly shaped knockers to her lusciously soft to the touch arse (ass).
But he pointed out that sometimes at night while they were both in bed she would forget that she was not out on the desert on military maneuvers and suddenly she would yell out things like "Incoming duck," "Look out for the friggin land mines," and "We have ways of making you talk you sorry ass twat face."
Cowell said that the final straw came when in the middle of the night back in April she ran outside with an AK-47 assault rifle and came very close to shooting his 2010 $1 million Bugatti Veyron.
In other news. The state of Iowa has just passed a law that any woman over the age of 70, who has a tattoo must have it removed as soon as possible or face a fine for second degree indecency.