Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 1 July 2010

image for Justin Bieber Secretly Dating Taylor Swift
Justin Bieber at the age of 6, after being told to quit frowning.

QUEEN BESS ISLAND, Louisiana - The Ontario, Canada native Justin Bieber was visiting the Bayou State and actually helping out the locals gather up the dreaded, yicky, yucky Louisiana Tar Balls and putting them in tar ball containers.

Bieber said that the job is an endless one as there are estimates that there may be as many and 3 billion tar balls floating around on the Gulf waters and sitting on the Louisiana beaches.

Justin said that tar balls have now been spotted as far off as Perdido Key, Florida. Residents of Perdido Key reported gathering up 3,984 tar balls. They loaded them up on an old abandoned barge and let it drift out onto the Gulf stream where it could possibly end up in Nova Scotia, Canada if the trade winds are just right.

Bieber was asked about the rumor that he is secretly dating 19-year-old country music singing sensation Taylor Swift.

Justy turned three shades of pink. He started coughing and choking a little bit. After he was given a drink of someones chocolate milk shake he was able to compose himself.

He quietly pointed out that yes he is secretly dating Taylor but said that he does not want anyone to know, because if it gets back to his mother Pattie Lynn Mallette, 34, she is liable to hit the roof because of the fact that Swift is three years older than him.

When told that Justin's mommy was 7 years older than her husband, Justin's daddy, Mrs. Mallette got quite defensive and replied, "Yes, but I was very, very immature and so in essence we were both actually the same age, not that I have to effen explain it to any mother effer."

Justin who in the past has dated the likes of Brenda Song, Kim Kardashian, Miley Cyrus, and in his fantasies Kelly Clarkson said that Taylor Swift is different from all of the others.

When asked to name one difference, he smiled and said, "Well, I can name two - her titties. Taylor for all practical purposes actually does not have any boobies, but no one ever really notices because they are too busy looking at her singing lips, which she moves a little bit more than most singers."

Justin confided that Swift told him that she does the lips thingy on purpose in order to draw attention away from her fried egg chest.

Bieber says that the fact that Taylor is flat and has two bumpy bits in place of a couple of nice, big, firm knockers does not matter one bit to him.

He did add "Now if she did not have a working tuzzy muzzy, then that would be a totally different story all together."

To view an artist's rendition of what exactly Taylor Swift would look like if she had Heidi Montag tits log on to www.iftaylorswifthadsomebigpuppies.tit[/color]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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