Miley Cyrus told reporters this morning that she is upset because she's not getting hammered enough.
"I wear very little on a national television show and I get a mention in the Entertainment section of newspapers, all using the same story. I have a live-in boyfriend and everyone just accepts it like that's normal for a 15-year-old or I was when he moved in...the first one."
"But I pick up a newspaper or check the web or any news source and there's that stupid oil leak or Twilight movie."
Miley then pretended to put her fingers down her throat, saying the vampire guy looks like he just sat in front of one of those windmill energy blades or stuck his head out the window of a shuttle coming back to Florida.
She then went on about how she deliberately had those fake photographs last week 'just to let the guys know I have one' but that nothing seemed to top the other big stories.
"You can undress right now for our cameras, Ms. Cyrus", stated one helpful cameraman.
"That's for the ones with no talent. Go take a shot at that Greene gal in the Biter Movie. She poses like that for Sports Illustrated. I want to make it on my talent. Someone point me to a director that makes great drama. I'm tired of being Shirley Temple."
She then told us to forget it and stated that she was off to sit in that werewolf's lap if anyone's interested.
"Go film the oil slick!"