We now know the reason that Lindsay Lohan (Hereinafter referred to as "Defendant") ended up spending 80 minutes in the clink after a drunken, cocaine-fueled chase on the PCH, and it wasn't because she gave oral treats to the cops at the scene.
Which she did, allegedly, since I just made it up.
The reason: the cop who took custody of the cocaine mistook it for a breath mint and threw it in the trash.
"I found an unknown substance in Lohan's right rear pocket," the cop admitted. " I thought the substance was a wet crushed breath mint."
He continued: "I put the card into the trash can next to the booking windows. I then recognized the substance as resembling powder cocaine. I then recovered the card from the trash."
Unfortunately the chain of custody was broken, and as unreliable as Lohan swearing that she'll arrive on the set on time.
"I also found it strange that Lohan appeared to be snorting Pop Rocks," the cop, who now is Lead Slurpie technician in the 7-11 in Encino, admitted.
"She was also injecting a mixture of Big League Chew and Tang, and smoking an Almond Joy. Allegedly."