LOS ANGELES - Larry King has finally decided to call it quits. He says that he will hang up his microphone, his suspenders, and his viagra tablets come Autumn.
Larry, who is 76, said that he just wants to spend more time watching his little boys play little league. He coughed and added that he also wants to keep close tabs on his adulterous wife Shawn who is 49, but at times acts as though she is 29.
King has been asking questions of celebrities and people in the news for 25 years. He has asked more personal and intimate questions than Hugh Hefner, Warren Beatty, Dr. Phil, Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, and Charlie Sheen all put together.
When asked what was the most memorable question that he ever asked of a celebrity he replied, "Ah that's an easy one. And it was kind of recent. I remember asking Heidi Montag, who has had 38 plastic surgeries on every intimate part of her body, if I really smelled plastic on her."
Montag blushed and said that he most definitely smelled plastic and that it was coming from her tits, groin area, rectal region, and her uvula.
She giggled and went on to say that her personalized automobile license plates read "Plastic Bitch."
SIDENOTE: Larry King says that once he retires he plans to relax by playing dominoes, checkers, counting the freckles on his arms, and closely guarding his wife's crotch.