AUSTIN - Sandra Bullock filed for a divorce from her husband, aka Jesse "The Shithead" James back in April and it is now official.
Sandra said that "Old Ass-Wipe" is no longer Mr. Sandra Bullock, and she said that he can now go back to being Jesse James alias Messy Jesse, Shames James, and Jesse "The Little Bitty Winky" James.
Bullock laughed and said that she especially likes the last nickname because it is so damn effen appropriate.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Jesse James, unlike other famous twerps who mess around on their wives i.e. Charlie Sheen, and Tiger Woods, is different in that he is not that well endowed in the pecker department. He is certainly not in Sheen's or Woods' league. He is more like in the same league as the tiny little Korean boy Jon "3 Inches" Gosselin.]
A spokesperson for Sandra Bullock said that Ms. Bullock came out very well in the divorce settlement, or as they say in Pasadena, "She came out smelling like a rose."
Bullock will get the couples three homes (mansions), all of their fancy cars, the newly adopted African baby Louis "Vuvuzela" Mumtongo, and all of the couples money.
Jesse James will receive no money, no cars, and none of the couples property. He will get to keep his filthy-ass redneck clothes, his collection of 80 or so silly looking bandannas, his four motorcycles, his Nazi memorabilia, his Minnie Mouse watch, his high school graduation ring, and each one of his horrendously awful, tattoo infested skank ho's.
In a non-related story. It is being reported by Univision, the Spanish Language Television Network that there is a possibility that some of the Louisiana Tar Balls could make their way through the Panama Canal and end up down in Peru sometime in early August.