Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 29 June 2010

image for The BET Awards: Chris Brown, Kanye West, And Prince - The Yo Bro's Do The Do
Bill Cosby, shown in 1971, was presented with The Lifetime Annoyance Award.

LOS ANGELES - The BET Awards (Black Entertainment Television) were held in L.A.'s Aunt Jemima Commemorative Auditorium, which has recently been remodeled to include a special 'Big Assed' section for plus plus size gals such as Aretha Franklin, Oprah Winfrey, Gabourey Sidibe, and Queen Latifah.

The manager of the state of the art auditorium Tyrone "The Bone" Montebooty, said that they have installed a total of 60 double and triple wide seats to accommodate even the biggest of black mama's such as 603 pound Gabourey Sidibe.

Montebooty said that his auditorium is one of only two in the entire country that have gone out of their way to make heavyset woman of color comfortable.

He said that he first got the idea while talking to his old maid aunt FoNeesha Sue Washington, who he says weighs in at a hefty 514.

The festivities were highlighted by an appearance by Kanye "The Pest" West. It was the first appearance for Kanye since last year's infamous Taylor Swift microphone snatching incident at the MTV Movie Awards.

West said that he has just kinda been hanging around at the local malls in Atlanta. He was asked if he regrets taking the mic out of sweet, little Taylor Swift's hands.

Kanye grinned, grabbed his groin, and said that the little skinny white honky bitch had it comin' since she disrespected him. When asked how she had disrespected him Kanye rolled his eyes and said, "I dunno, but I do knows dat she did... so mofo back off fa shizzle my nizzle."

Chris Brown who put some serious hurt on his then girlfriend Rihanna sang a tribute to Michael Jackson. Brown's career has pretty much gone into the toilet since he mistreated his fine lookin' pretty woman.

Chris the Punk, as Rihanna's fans call him said that the incident has cost him tons and tons of money. And it certainly showed, since the singing boy appeared in a ragged old white T-shirt, patched up pants, and boxer shorts that looked like they had been worn by boxing great Joe Louis back in the 40s.

When he was singing "The Man In The Mirror" Chrissy, as his gay friends from Detroit call him, started crying. He tried to sing, but his teardrops kept getting in his mouth and causing him to spit.

Finally Queen Latifah walked up to him and said, "Hey little bro, whatcha say ya give da sista da mother effen mic and get jur black ass on off da stage. Dammit, chump, what's wiff all da damn tears anyways? Dis ain't no damn Barbara Walters special...go on now, get jur jive funky ass on outta here before I call the friggin security guards.

The legenadary Prince appeared and was given a life time achievement award by the Queen (Latifah). He accepted it in the name of his neighbor the former secretary of state Condoleezza "Say Y'all I Ain't No Lesbo Bitch" Rice.

Prince got up on stage and sang a medley of Oprah Winfrey's favorite hip hop songs including, "Say Yo Let Me Axe You A Question," "Yo Bro Dontcha Be Touchin' My Ho's Fro Fa Sho," and "Fa Shizzle My Nizzle Da Bootyfied Bitch Sho Nuff Got's Herself A Sizzlin' Snatchizzle."

SIDENOTE: Mariah Carey's husband Nick "The Stick" Cannon, host of America's Got Talent said that his extremely ample-lookin' wife could not be there because she was at the grocery store shopping for food and shit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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