Written by Amethyst Ryder
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Monday, 28 June 2010

image for Michael Jackson never existed
The Moonwalk Man was just another phony.

Reports that the body of pop star Michael Jackson has gone missing have spurred one celebrity watcher to make a startling counter-claim: there never was a body to begin with.

"The 80s phenom known as Michael Jackson was a chimera," claims pop culture blogger Roma Radizzon. "He was nothing more than a holographic figment of the collective imagination, a carefully crafted and marketed illusion readily accepted by the delusional masses suffering under the hallucinogenic effects of excessive hairspray and styling mousse."

"The sad and sober truth is that Michael Jackson was just another Max Headroom," says Radizzon. "Another phony phenomenon. The 80s were about as fake as it gets. Even the President was really just an Alzheimer's patient with screen presence."

Radizzon further supports his contention by pointing to how the change of hair fashions coincided with the fading of the Moonwalk Man. "Big hair was out, grunge was in. People stopped using hair care products, and what happened to Michael Jackson? Vanished from the public eye."

What, then, does Radizzon have to say about Michael Jackson's attempted comebacks in subsequent years?

"Obviously the work of an impostor," dismisses Radizzon. "I mean, come on. The guy we saw in the 90s and the zeroes looked nothing like the Michael Jackson of the 80s, let alone like the kid from the 1970s Jackson Five."

Speaking of that kid, whatever happened to him?

"He got out of showbiz as soon as he hit puberty," Radizzon says. "My sources indicate that he changed his name--which his family shamelessly exploited, knowing he wouldn't go public to set the record straight--and is currently selling real estate in a small town in Nevada."

Neither the Jackson family nor the real estate agent in Nevada could be reached for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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