GRAND ISLE, Louisiana - Al Gore was in Grand Isle helping the locals gather up tar balls when he was asked about his recent molestation allegations.
It appears that back on October 29, 2006, Gore was in Portland, Oregon, where he was on a book signing tour. He checked into the Luscious Lady Motel and asked room service to bring him some Dos Equis Beer.
The desk clerk, who has now been identified as Charlotte Lavastick, informed him that she was getting off in 15 minutes and that she would personally bring him the beer.
Gore later stated to detectives with the Portland Police Department that there was a knock on his door at approximately 11:05 p.m. West Coast Time.
He opened the door and he saw an extremely beautiful blonde in a tight pink halter top, tight blue jean Daisy Duke short shorts, and wearing pink sandals.
The gorgeous woman was holding a six pack of Dos Equis Beer, or as they call it in Arizona Two X Beer.
Gore told her to please come on in and to place the beer on the table in the kitchenette. Charlotte did as she was told. He then asked her if she was cold. She told him that she was a little. He replied that he could kinda sorta tell by looking at her party hats (nipples).
Gore offered her his coat. She took it and asked him if he would like for her to give him a massage. He asked if she was a trained professional masseuse.
Lavastick replied that she kinda, sorta was. He then told her that he would not want a massage unless she was a bonded and licensed masseuse.
At that point Charlotte pushed him onto the bed. She took off her pink Daisy Duke short shorts and then she physically proceeded to take off his pajama bottoms as well as his Mike Tyson Designer Boxer Shorts.
Charlotte then straddled Mr. Gore while yelling out "Yippie Ki Yay," which is cowboy talk for "Let's get it on cowpoke."
Gore said that by this time his wiener was in a state of erected erection and there was really no turning back. He said that he just lied there and Charlotte proceeded to massage him in places that only Tipper had visited.
After about 25 minutes of Lavastick massaging Gore, she got out of bed, put her clothes back on, and she left the room.
As soon as Gore was certain that she had in fact left, he took his cell phone and called 911. He told the operator that he had just been molested and that he wanted a member of the PPD to drive out to the Luscious Lady Motel immediately.
When Detective Tobias Fitzpicker arrived at the motel and went to room 169, he noticed that Al Gore was on the floor at the foot of the bed weeping.
Detective Fitzpicker asked him what he was crying about. Gore removed his Mike Tyson's and showed the detective his diddly dipper (wiggly worm).
The detective quickly covered his face and told Gore to never, ever do that again or else he may get his global warming ass shot.
Detective Pitzpicker then took 17 photos of Al Gore's taco tickler in various stages of arousal.
Gore willingly signed the sexual assault complaint. An inside source with the PPD said that Gore later dropped the charges after Charlotte Lavastick agreed to pay him $19,000.
In other news. Reports coming out of Iceland are still somewhat sketchy but they are stating that a 9.8 magnitude earthquake has hit the country and parts of Iceland are now the proud property of Greenland.