Incredible! Lady Gaga, the Manhattan-raised man who parlayed a modicum of talent and a fashion sense that'd make Stevie Wonder cringe into international megastardom has been revealed as yet another denizen of the Dark Overlord: He made a deal with the Devil.
The Contract, a copy of which was provided to another of Satan's contract holders, Harvey Levin of TMZ, starts off by identifying the party of the first part:
" Paragraph one states that I, the Devil, a not-for-profit cooperation, with offices in Purgatory, Hell, and Los Angeles, will give you seven wishes to use as you see fit. Seven utterly fabulous wishes for one piddling, little soul."
Sadly, Gaga squandered 6 of the 7 wishes, and became a Columbian Drug Lord, an overly sensitive painter, an imposing basketball player, a gay novelist, and Abraham Lincoln. He also wished for a Big Mac and a Coke.
With his 7th wish, Gaga asked to become the biggest, most famous musician in the world. Lucifer granted the wish, but, in his madcap, wacky way, turned him into a woman, while leaving his genitals intact.
Gaga let this slip during a recent interview, when asked about how he/she thought the concert went: "Ah... well, you know, you go out there and you give a 110%, and you wanna play good, and, you know, you hope you play good... I think we played pretty good tonight! "
Gaga realized that she had never expressed any particular direction in the, um, winkie department, which Satan exploited.
When Gaga complained, the Devil screamed, "Fair? Who do you think you're talking to? I don't recall anybody ever accusing me of being fair before. I think I'm insulted."