LOS ANGELES - Spencer Pratt, soon-to-be-ex-husband of Heidi "The Plastic Woman" Montag was having lunch at a Long John Silvers when he was asked if the rumors about him dating Nadya Suleman were true.
He put down the oyster he was eating and said that he did not really want it to get out but that yes he was in fact dating the woman known throughout the civilized world as "OctoMom."
Pratt said that he finds Nadya to be a breath of fresh air. He stated that living with Heidi, who has had 38 nips, clips, tucks, enhancements, augmentations, circumcisions, and colorizations was like living with a 5 foot 5 inch gigantic plastic condom.
Spencer said that ever since Heidi was named the plastic industry's Plastic Poster Girl For 2010, she let all of the fame and hoopla go to her surgically enhanced head.
Pratt went on to say that when Heidi was filming Beach Blanket Viagra with Frankie Avalon, Vanessa Hudgens, and one of Tiger Woods TigerGate bitches, Holly Sampson, she was constantly getting into fights with the other actors and actresses.
He said that Heidi had told Vanessa that she was not as good an actress as she thought she was and that the GOP's horse faced skank Ann Coulter could 'out act' the hell out of her.
He also said that Heidi had said that Holly Sampson had seen so much 'action' that she could not get her knees to touch no matter how hard the slut tried.
When Pratt was asked if Montag had gotten along with Frankie Avalon he replied that for the first two days they were okay, but on the third day Heidi complained that Avalon had told all of the other actors to refer to Montag as "Plastic Biscuit."
Pratt was asked if he has fallen in love with Nadya Suleman. He smiled and said, "Oh yes. Nadya is a very special woman. She has 14 kids and can spell each one of their names backwards. She can also cook tuna fish and make it come out tasting like sirloin steak.
He smiled and said that the two things that he really loves about Nadya are that both of her tata's are real and not plastic like Heidi's are.
He pointed out that on a scale of 1 to 10 in the bedroom department that Heidi is a 7, whereas Nadya is every bit of a 10.
When asked what makes her a 10, he replied "That's an easy one. What makes Nadya a 10 are her two flawless sweater treats, her flawless badonkadonk, and her extremely cute groin goody, or as they say down in Ensenada, Baja California, her bikini taco.
In a non-related story. LeBron James has stated publicly that if the Cleveland Cavaliers do not pay him the money he is asking for he may end up signing with Manchester United.