HOLLYWOOD - Johnny Depp was nominated for an Academy Award for his portrayal of Jose "Paquito" De Las Patitas, in the Columbia Pictures and Guacamole Films movie Gay Jose Can You See By The Dawn's Early Light.
Depp did not win as he lost out to Jack Nicholson for his amazing portrayal of Chief Sitting Bull in the historical comedy General Custer Gets His Arrogant Old Ass Smoked By 18,000 Lakota Sioux, Northern Cheyenne, and Wandering Arapahos.
Johnny pointed out that he and Nicholson did become very good drinking buddies and Depp actually was able to convince Jack to appear in his astronaut sequel titled, Gay Jose Can You See By The Dawn's Early Light Number 2.
Nicholson will portray General Simon Sezowitz, who ends up getting caught by Johnny Depp's character stealing three boxes of moon rocks, moon lint, and moon dust.
General Sezowitz tries to blame it on the fact that he is a pathological alcoholic, who is addicted to Twinkies, and who unfortunately has a slight tinge of 'crack ho' in him.
Sandra Bullock, who has finally dumped her husband, Jesse "The Tattooed Shithead" James stars as De Las Patitas love interest the lovely, beautiful, but somewhat titless Esmeralda Tamalera, ex-wife of Mexico's largest pinata exporter Don Reymundo Q. Tamalera, who tips the scales (literally) at 485 pounds.
Many wondered how Esmeralda could be Jose's love interest since Jose is gay. The director of the film, Tico Scallavini, explained it by saying that Esmeralda Tamalera is in the process of having a sex change operation that will turn her into Desmond Tamalera, who will then become the 'boyfriend' of gay Jose.
The film will be shot in Malibu Beach, California, the moon, and on location on Robert Pattinson's 3,175 acre South Texas ranch El Rancho De La Senorita Loca (The Young Crazy Woman Ranch).
In a non-related story. The Ku Klux Klan office in Arkadelphia, Arkansas was recently burglarized. Apparently someone broke into the KKK storage room and made off with 14 boxes of Ohio Blue Tip Kitchen Matches.