HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Britney Spears' hair stylist, Fu Fu LaChance, has stated that Ms. Spears is fit to be tied at the fact that her crotch cookie has been upstaged by Miley Cyrus's crotch cookie.
LaChance said that when Britney saw the photos of Miley stepping out of a vehicle and exhibiting her tuzzy muzzy for all the world (including Alaska and Arizona) to see she immediately said that the little cunt (no pun intended) had stolen her 'displaying her pubic region in public idea.'
Fu Fu, who will be having SRS (sexual reassignment surgery) in September, said that he/she has never seen Ms. Spears angrier than when she saw Miley's photo.
The transsexual hair stylist noted that La Britney, as George Lopez calls her, was even madder than when the Australian media barbecued her for lip syncing entire concert performances.
Fu Fu laughed and said that the noise that Ms. Spears was making sounded like a cross between Fran Drescher's voice and the annoyingly irritating sounds that the South Africa World Cup vuvuzelas make.
And in West Hollywood, Lindsay Lohan's probation officer, Salvador Chancla, stated that his client known throughout the world simply as "LiLo" actually threw up when she first saw the Miley Cyrus "Beaver Shot."
LiLo was heard to yell out, "Just who the hell does this Johnny come lately little Hannah Montana bitch think she is? If anyone's groin goody is going to be put on national, international, and world wide display it is going to be my bikini taco dammit!"
Lohan paused for a moment to scratch underneath her ankle bracelet. She then remarked that Britney (Spears) had texted her suggesting that the two should both hire famed Left Coast lawsuit maven Gloria Allred.
They did and Allred has taken their case. She plans to file an infringement lawsuit based on violation of Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan's patented public pubic placement in a pubicistic gimmick shtick trait routine.
Gay talk show host Ellen DeGeneres, an avowed lesbianite, was asked what she thought about all of this wanton vaginal displaying.
Ellen, who seemed to be having a hell of a time trying to keep her tongue in her mouth replied, "Well let me say this about that. On a scale of 1 to 10, I would say Miley's muffin is a 10, Britney's biscuit is a 10, and Lindsay's LaSnatch is a 10. Oh and let me add that I would be remiss if I did not mention that my wife Portia's playpen is also a 10."
Meanwhile, Joan Rivers told Oprah Winfrey that she posted a photo of her 103-year-old bearded clam on the Internet three days ago and so far she has had a total of two hits.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Abel and I were both curious as to who the two hits could have possibly come from. I called up my old amigo Larry King and I asked him. He did not miss a beat and replied..."Both hits came from Ashton Kutcher."]