KANSAS CITY - Al Gore was the guest speaker at a convention for The Omaha Steak Providers Coalition Alliance.
The group, which was founded in 1869, is responsible for providing more steaks to the entire world that the next ten leading steak providers combined and that includes Bubba's Yummy Steaks To Go from Abilene, Texas, and Rita and Carmelita's Sizzlin' Steaks Society of Kansas City, Missouri.
After giving his speech Gore took several questions from the audience. One lady, Mildred Mortonstilt, 87, asked if it was true that he and Tipper separated after 40 years due to snoring.
Al smiled and nodded. "Yes, I have to say that it's true. After 40 years of having to listen to the woman sore her brains out, I just got to the point where I could not take it anymore."
He was then asked if he really invented the Internet. He laughed and replied "For the four thousandth time. Yes."
A little blue haired lady, Ramona Sue Oldenvox, 91, who said that she was a member of The Missouri Tea Bag Party asked him if he really feels that he can save every single whale, porpoise, penguin, and Gaboon viper up in the Baffin Bay between Greenland and Canada.
Gore got a puzzled look on his face and told Ms. Oldenvox that there are no Gaboon vipers in the Baffin Bay.
She insisted that there are. He again told her that there are not any Gaboon vipers there and that the only Gaboon vipers found in the world are all located in the Republic of Gabon, which is situated between the Republic of the Congo and Equatorial Guinea.
The little old blue haired lady said that he was misinformed and that with his hellacious temper it was no wonder that his wife Topper was divorcing his sorry arrogant ass.
He told her that her name is Tipper and that, the reason they are getting divorced is no ones damn, effen business.
Just then another blue-haired old lady stood up and identified herself as Greta Jo Fifflespucker.
She said that she just turned 101, and stated that she had a photo that her nephew Horace "Bubba Boy" Fifflespucker, 77, had emailed her showing him (Gore) in his boxer shorts coming out of the house of a woman named Laurie David, who was the ex-wife of Larry David, the creator of the sit-coms The Cricklebaums of California, So Who Wants To Be A Smuck? and Seinfeld.
Gore said that he had never heard of any of those three shows and that he had run out of time and would not be able to answer any more questions.
The first blue haired lady stood up to ask another question. Gore hollered out at her. "Hey you! Ramona Sue! You damn blue haired trouble making bitch. Sit your friggin cellulite infested ass down and let someone with some sense ask me a question, which thanks to you and the other blue-haired work of art skank, I will now not be able to answer due to time constraints."
"Your mama burns water." Ramona Sue hollered out to Gore.
"Oh yeah. Well at least my mama don't look like an Ohio Blue Tip Kitchen Match like you, you skinny little anorexic looking leftover relic from the damn Civil War."
The lights flickered and suddenly the power was turned off.
In other news. Reports coming out of Afghanistan are stating that Al-Qaeda and Taliban operatives are taking one-humped camels and fitting them with a second 'fake' hump which they are using to stash explosives in.