Written by Bill Licks
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Tuesday, 15 June 2010

image for The Beckhams to call next son Jabulani Vuvuzela
Why can't I just have a normal fucking name?

England football mascot David Beckham has decided his next son will be named Jabulani Vuvuzela Beckham after two of the most annoying pieces of plastic ever invented.

The much maligned Jabulani football and the irritating Vuvuzela horn have received nothing but negative feedback from both players and fans but that hasn't stopped Beckham from trying to get some attention by announcing his choice of names.

Victoria Beckham, another annoying piece of plastic, has not yet given her full agreement but is thought to like the idea as it would fit well with the names of her other three sons, Brooklyn Chewing-gum, Romeo Toolbox, and Cruz Booze who was named after the place he was conceived - the Cross Channel Ferry to France when the Beckhams went to pick up some cheap wine and beer.

Later, when Beckham was told by reporters that naming your next son after two objects despised the World over is not a good idea, Beckham changed his mind and decided to select two names that would in no way humiliate his son in the future.

The first is one of Beckham's middle names and the second is one of his favourite colours.

The fourth addition to the Beckham family will now be called Robert Green Beckham.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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