Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 15 June 2010

image for Charlie Sheen Has A Second Mercedes-Benz Stolen and Driven Off A Cliff: Dude - Take The Damn Keys Out of The Car When You Friggin' Park It!
LAPD Detective Romano P. Boulderbranch checking DNA evidence found in both of Charlie Sheen's stolen cars.

SHERMAN OAKS, California - Well it's a good thing that Charlie Sheen's new Two and A Half Men contract is paying him $2 million per show.

The highly spirited actor has just had his second Mercedes-Benz stolen while parked in his driveway and driven off a California cliff.

Los Angeles Police Detective Romano F. Boulderbranch was asked if he sees some kind of pattern here.

He raised his eyebrows and said, well that's a good question. Lemmy see, Mr. Sheen had a 2010 Mercedes-Benz stolen from the driveway in front of his mansion back in February and driven off a cliff.

And now, lemmy see what month are we in? Yes, now in June, Mr. Sheen has another 2010 Mercedes-Benz stolen from the very same said driveway in front of is mansion, and lemmy see...yes, that car was ALSO driven off the very same cliff.

Detective Boulderbranch scribbled on his LAPD offical detective note pad. He paused to take a sip from his bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper and replied that he could not say for sure yet...due to the fact that he is still smack dab in the middle of gathering up all of our evidentiary evidence.

But he did note that he would be willing to wager a weeks pay ($900) that more than likely he is sure a-shootin' liable to find some kind of a pattern here.

Sheen was asked if there is anyone who despises him so much that they would steal two of his tremendously expensive cars and then just merely drive them over a cliff off Mulholland Drive.

Charlie put his 32-ounce wine tumbler down opening his eyes as wide as they could possibly go and slowly replied, "Well to be honest, (hic) yes. I can probably think of about (hic) three or four hundred people who despise (hic) me."

Sheen thought for a second and then said, "Ah (hic) let me rephrase that. I can probably (hic) think of about three or four hundred (hic) WOMEN who despise me, yeah, (hic) that's much more accurately (hic) accurate."

Charlie asked Detective Boulderbranch what he suggested he should do. The detective told him that maybe he should consider downsizing down to a KIA Sorento...or a Ford Fiesta?

"Really?" Charlie asked.

"Nah. I'm just pulling your leg Charlie, but hey, not in a gay L.A. way dude."

Charlie started laughing so hard he spilled his glass of wine on his white Samoyed, which is now white and purple.

Detective Boulderbranch told Sheen that he is going to offer him, probably what will be the best piece of advice he will ever get.

"Mr. Sheen. The next time that you park your Mercedes-Benz in the driveway...take the effen keys out of the freakin' ignition you dumb, stupid overpaid fluckin Hollywood actor."

"Thank you de (hic) tective, I'll certainly try to remember to (hic) remember that. Oh and detector (detective) (hic) don't forget you gun, it's lying on the coffee (hic) table."

Charlie Sheen's manager, Bippy Sharkowitz, says that he has just bought him a cheap 2003 Daihatsu Charade for him to drive around instead of his expensive as hell Mercedes-Benz. Sharkowitz said that the new Mercedes-Benz will be equipped with a pit bull.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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