Written by Loopy Luna
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Topics: Elvis Presley

Thursday, 17 March 2005

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The King Is Alive!: Elvis at home in Bognor Regis.

Yes folks, it is true! Elvis Presley, The King of Rock and Roll is alive and well and living in Bognor Regis, U.K.

The star has been living in the U.K anonymously since he faked his death in 1977. Our investigator had received information from a particularly trusted source informing him of the King's residency in Bognor. The U.K's answer to the Riviera.

Upon receiving an address we promptly went to investigate. The King answered the door on our first attempt and in his unmistakable southern drawl invited us in.

'I knew you guys would find me out someday. What with your suspicious minds and all, Uh huh.'

Presley invited us in to his modest abode, a two up, two down semi detached house. A far cry from Graceland. Presley told us to sit down and politely offered us a drink. When the King was ready and he had poured the tea and placed the biscuits onto doillies we began to ask the questions that millions would want answered.

King why did you fake your own death? Was our first question. To which Presley smiled and merely exclaimed.

'I was tired of the lifestyle. I got tired of Rock and Roll, for me it had died, so I suppose I had to die too. I wanted to take it easy in my elder years.'

We asked Elvis why he had to create such an unglamorous way to to fake his own death, by famously 'dying' in his lavatory. Elvis laughed heartily at this.

'Man I always had a wicked sense of humour, an I just thought what a way to go, dying on the crapper.'

Presley is barely recognisable now as the King of Rock and Roll, his once raven hair is now grey, he has grown a beard, has an ear pierced and looks more like an aged hippie. But still a glimmer of the star he once was remains.

We asked him if he was in touch with his daughter Lisa Marie, and asked what he thought of her brief marriage to Micheal Jackson. Presley's countenence changes at the mention of Jackson and he is clearly angered.

'Don't mention that son of a bitch's name in my house again. I almost died for real when Lisa called to tell me. I would have definately been spinning in my grave if I had died back then. That Nicholas Cage shmuck was no better either. Thought he was some kinda Elvis freak, trying to get the ultimate piece of memorabilia by screwing mah daughter no doubt.'

Elvis now leads a very quiet life, under the name of Harold Bottomhurst. He is now 70 , enjoys playing bingo twice weekly and has the company of a lady friend named Gladys Althorpe.

Until today no one has discovered Presley's true identity in Bognor or anywhere else for that matter. Only a select few friends and family knew he was alive and where he was living. Asked if he was ready to face the limelight again. Elvis merely said.

'Not on your life pal. I'm splitting as soon as you guys leave my house.'

So there you have it, the truth finally. Elvis Presley the King of Rock and Roll, also known as Harold Bottomhurst is alive. Long live the King!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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