Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 15 June 2010

image for Shakira's World Cup Song "Waka Waka" Has Just Surpassed Justin Biebers #1 Hit "Scratch My Little Nads"
Shakira's hips have been clocked at 124 mph.

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa - A spokesperson for Global Records has just stated that the official World Cup Games song "Waka Waka" has just made it to number one.

Shakira sings the song which was co-written by American Idol's Kara DioGuardi and 50s icon Neil Sedaka.

Billboard Magazine has noted that Shakira's song has already outsold "We Are The World," "You Light Up My Life," "Eleanor Rigby," and "Who Let The Dogs Out?" combined.

Kara DioGuardi said that she is so happy and so thrilled that she could give Ellen DeGeneres a great big old French kiss. She says she would just love to reach underneath the table and grab her a handful of Simon Cowell's "Little Simon."

She also noted that she is so ecstatic that she would even consider going down on Ryan Seacrest.

Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson overheard her and asked if he could be next.

Kara shook her head and said that she did not want anything to do with him since unlike her, Ellen, and Simon, all he ever seems to say is "yo, yo, yo, yo," "Hey lissen up," "I dunno dawg. I guess dat was just a little bit pitchy for me," and "I dunno man ya just did not blow me away."

Shakira was told that "Waka Waka" has just surpassed Justin Bieber's hit "Scratch My Nads." She got so excited she wet her Daisy Duke short shorts.

She then raised her eyebrows, smacked her lips, and started swiveling her hips at speeds clocked at up to 124 mph. And amazingly by the time she had stopped, her Daisy Dukes were completely dry.

In fact La Shakirita did not notice that she was shaking so fast that her underwear had come off and had literally flown about 30 yards in the air and landed on the head of a soccer fan from Slovenia.

In a World Cup note: Doctors at Johannesburg's Tarzan and Jane Hospital have reported that since the 2010 FIFA World Cup Finals began they have treated a little over 130 adult men and women who came in with vuvuzelas stuck up their you-know-what's.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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