Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 22 June 2010

image for "The Mature Eye Candy Bitches of Bakersfield" Sit-Com Will Star Pamela Anderson, Heather Locklear, and Jessica Simpson
Heather Locklear's "Perfect" ass is a great asset to the new sit-com.

BAKERSFIELD, California - Hide and Seek Productions in association with Simon Cowell's 19th Hole Productions has announced a new situation comedy which will have its premier in early August.

The show will star Pamela Anderson, Heather Locklear, and Jessica Simpson.

Hide and Seek spokesman Lionel Grottopocket said that the show titled, The Mature Eye Candy Bitches of Bakersfield is a production of the same group that produces the Bravo Network reality show Removing Unsightly Cellulite For Fun and Profit.

Another Hide and Seek production is the Weather Channel's Well Here Comes Another Effen Hurricane and the Condiments Channel, I Got Your Oregano Right Here Bitch.

The three good-looking mature blonde actresses will star as the Van Prescott sisters, Lindy, Cindy, and Mindy. The three sisters are all recently divorced and decide to open up a pole dancing studio.

Lindy Van Prescott (Pamela) was married to an oil baron from Dallas, Texas, so she has tons of money and she is the one who puts up the money for the pole dancing studio, which the sisters name Rub A-Dub Dub Academy.

Cindy Van Prescott (Heather) was married to an ex-senator from Missouri, so she has a lot of governmental contacts who can help her cut corners.

And Mindy Van Prescott (Jessica) was a country music singer who was ostracized when it was learned that for the last three years of her career she had been lip syncing her concerts 100 percent.

The three sisters have vowed that they will not remarry for at least five years and their goal is to teach as many women as possible how to be excellent sexy pole dancers.

Mindy also said that their secondary goal is to see how many guys each girl can play 'hide the salami' with.

The show is being sponsored by The Harrington Company, makers of Big Boy Condoms and The 5D Corporation who have innovated a new way for women to douche without using liquid products.

The concept was invented and perfected in South Korea and involves tremendous jets of air which can travel upwards of 195 miles per hour.

The show will be filmed in the affluent section of Bakersfield.

In other news. Andy Dick says that he is tired of all of the vulgar remarks and jokes about his name. He says that he will soon be changing it to Andy Pecker.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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