PORT SULPHUR, Louisiana - The former governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, who has recently been dubbed Saint Sarah, by her husband Todd, is fit to be tied, literally.
Speaking with the Fox Network's 'non-fox' Greta Van Susteren, Palin said that she traveled down to the extreme southern bayous of Louisiana to see what she can do about helping with the BP Gulf of Mexico oil spill which is making the once exotic bayous of Louisiana look like shit.
"Snowflake" Sarah, as her very close friends call her, said that BP's excuse that the oil spill is actually a result of playful dolphins who were only simply messing around with the underwater oil pipe and inadvertently punctured it with their powerful snouts is not going to fly.
BP officials were quick to remind the former governor that dolphins do not fly. "Shotgun" Sarah as Clint Eastwood calls her, remarked that dolphins do fly and that the BP'ers are confusing dolphins with porpoises, who in fact do not fly.
Greta asked "Silly Sarita," as the 400,000 plus illegal aliens living, working, and singing "La Bamba" in Arizona refer to her if she'd had anything done to her breasts.
Sarah blushed and asked, "Like what?"
Greta blushed. She composed herself and asked if she'd had her knockers augmented.
"Ya know Greta, to answer that very personal question regarding my little bitty titties, "Nope."
Van Susteren then asked Mrs. Palin if she'd had her hooters enhanced.
"Nopers ta dat Greta."
Greta, who was now smiling like the California cat that swallowed the Connecticut canary asked if she'd had her butterbags either lifted, perked up, or injected with silicon.
"Snow Plow" Sarah's eyes lit up and got the size of ping pong balls. She cleared her throat and asked, "Hey Greta, you aren't by any chance one of them lesbianites like Rosie O'Donnell, Ellen DeGeneres, Melissa Etheridge, or Jody Foster are ya?"
Greta turned three shades of pink and replied that she assured her that she was not a lesbianite because she enjoys playing 'hide the salami' just as much as straight females such as Pamela Anderson, Britney Spears, and LeAnn Rimes do.
Palin then told Greta that she is effen tired of every time she turns around someone is calling her 'not-nice' names like "Twitter Tits," "Facebook Boobs," "Net Knockers," or in Spanish speaking regions of America "Chi Chi's Chica."
Greta told her that the reason that she is called names is because people and especially Democratic women are jealous of her.
"Salmon" Sarah admitted that she knows that, but said that the next time she hears someone mention "TataGate," or "HooterGate," or even "CupcakesGate" she is going to spit in their face and holler out "shame, shame, shame on you bitch and/or bastard, whichever the case may be.
In a related story. Senator John McCain of the late state of Arizona has stated that during his 2008 presidential campaign race with "Sexy Sarah" as he referred to her in private, he did happen to notice on several occasions that Palin's puppies were kind of somewhat unaligned.
McCain mentioned it to her once at a Starbucks in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and Sarah merely responded by saying that he, of the 'who the hell do you think you're fooling comb-over' really needed to stop focusing on the alignment of her boobies and instead try to figure out what the hell he can do about his wife Cindy's pair of droopers, who were starting to sag and go south faster than Kelly Clarkson's mouth eating a box of Twinkies.