Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 13 June 2010

image for American Idol's Crystal Bowersox Says Her Relationship With Lee DeWyze Is Heating Up Fast!
Strands of Crystal Bowersox's hair "BD" (Before Dreadlocks).

FLAGSTAFF, Arizona - Crystal Bowersox was in Arizona with her baby visiting the Grand Canyon before it gets boarded up as per President Obama's Special Presidential Order.

Bowersox, who came in second behind the winner Lee DeWyze, was asked how things were going. She smiled and said that things are going great.

She said that her and "LeeSox" as she affectionately calls DeWyze have really been getting to know each other in the intimate sense.

Crystal said that the two lie in bed (platonically) and sing to each other. She blushed and said that she has especially enjoyed using Lee's microphone.

Bowersox said that Lee lent her some money so that she would be able to finally fix her blonde dreadlocks, which had developed some kind of hair infection.

Crystal also noted that her brand new Ford comes in real handy and she has finally been able to say bye bye to her Greyhound bus riding days.

"MamaSox" as her fans call her, confessed that after her boyfriend dumped her on the day of the American Finale Show she felt completely devastated and she told Ryan Seacrest that she was going to quit American Idol and get her short little singing ass back to Ohio.

Seacrest told her that she could not do that. Crystal said that she did not care because she had to leave California since she is extremely afraid of earthquakes, mud slides, forest fires, purple hair, tacos, traffic, and gay people.

Seacrest told her that if Ellen (DeGeneres) heard her talking badly about 'her people' she would get highly upset and not ever give her another positive compliment or look at her with lustfilled lust in her eyes.

He then informed her that if she tried to leave California he would have her arrested and physically force her to appear on the shows finale.

Seacrest then mentioned to her the fact that he knows people, who know people, who know people, who know members of Mexican drug cartels.

Crystal asked, "And so what's your effen gay point?"

Ryan looked down at the floor and told her that if she did not cooperate with him and the shows producers that they would have to go to extreme measures and have her baby kidnapped and taken to Alaska.

Bowersox was shocked. "Alaska? Why Alaska?" she asked.

Seacrest told her that he would not tell her why but that there was a damn good reason. He then pointed out to her that it would not be the first time that the producers had to resort to kidnapping.

"Alaska? Ryan, why Alaska?" Crystal asked again.

By now, Ryan had gotten quite pissed. He told her not to mention friggin Alaska again. He then took out some photos and showed them to her.

The photos were of a dog house that belonged to Justin Guarini's pet schnauzer "Buffy." Ryan said that years ago Guarini had tried the same shit and the Mexican drug cartel kidnapped "Buffy." Justin still refused to cooperate with the producers and the drug cartel 'hombres' took little "Buffy" and gave him to some very mean Alaskan Eskimos.

SIDENOTE: Everything came out great for Crystal and she did agree to appear on the American Idol Finale where she ended up being the runner up. And her baby, whom she calls "BabySox" did not know it, but he was the luckiest darn little baby in America.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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