SAN ANTONIO - Speaking from her mansion nestled high in The Mucho Gusto Hills of San Antonio, Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria-Parker has stated that a highly reliable source has informed her that the entire Hispanic population of Arizona is planning on moving to East Los Angeles.
The stunningly attractive Longoria-Parker, wife of San Antonio Spurs guard Tony Parker, noted that according to The Farmers Almanac only 3 percent of Arizona's residents are non-Hispanic.
Eva said that some of the more recognizable non-Hispanics include Governor Jan "The Man" Brewer, Senator John and Cindy McCain, David "The Civilized Version of Andy Dick" Spade, and Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio.
Speaking of Sheriff "Pinky" Longoria-Parker said that no one really knows what Arpaio's ethnic background is.
One of his ex-girlfriends Ching Ching Chuk says she thinks he's either Norwegian, Pakistani, or Zimbabwean.
Another individual, who works as a San Francisco vice-squad department undercover officer, Brucey Glitterview, said that Arpaio very much resembles a female impersonator that he used to date several years ago.
The "FI" went by the name of Pinky Pistolero and she sure did look a lot like Sheriff "Pinky" Arpaio, except for the thinning hair, the pudgy-looking face, the red bulb-shaped nose, and his secret aversion to wearing pink womens underwear.
Evita, as her husband Tonito calls her, said that she and her husband have personally donated $115,000 to a "Get Out of Arizona Moving Fund" which has been set up by herself, George Lopez, Salma Hayek, and "Pinky" Arpaio.
The money will be used for any residents of Arizona, who wish to move out of the state. Longoria-Parker said that the only stipulation is that your surname must end in "EZ" such as Fernandez, Sanchez, Rodriguez, Gutierrez, Martinez, or Hernandez.
In other news. Volcanic ash from Iceland's Eyjafjallajokull volcano has now become so widespread that it is starting to affect womens biological clocks as far away as New Zealand and the Federated States of Micronesia.