PHOENIX - Senator John McCain, speaking from one of his wife Cindy's seven mansions has flat out denied that he has any carnal knowledge of "Snooki" aka Nicole Polizzi, who appears on the reality show The Jersey Shore.
McCain, who will tell you three times a day that he spent five and a half years in a North Vietnamese POW camp, says that he has never even seen the show, so as far as he is concerned he does not know if "Nooki" is blonde, tall, cute, silly, conceited, or as ugly as his state's governor Jan "The Man" Brewer.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: There is certainly no love lost between the two Arizonians John McCain and Jan Brewer. The very pronounced feud stems from the fact that Brewer said that McCain's comb over is so horribly ridiculous that it makes Kim Jong Il's hairdo look like Miss America's hair. Oh and McCain meant to say "Snooki" instead of "Nooki." Sorry I did not catch it before the article went to Press Central.]
McCain was asked if he has ever emailed the 22-year-old guidette "Snooki." He says that to the best of his knowledge he has not.
The former Republican Presidential candidate and now a charter member of the new GOP off-shoot group known as The Tea Bag Party added that he has not texted her, or called her on her cell phone. He did say that he has tweeted her, but then who the hell hasn't tweeted the infamous "Nooki" ("Snooki").
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I caught that one! ]