Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 10 June 2010

image for After Patrick Stewart, James Corden Sets His Sights On Liam Gallagher
James Corden's Dad Out Shopping In Mile End This Morning.

It seems that funny fat bloke out of 'Lesbian Vampire Killers' James Corden, having successfully made Star Trek trooper Patrick Stewart look a bit of a twat, is raising the bar.

Apparently he wants to have a go at former Oasis frontman and professional Manc swaggerer, Liam Gallagher.

"I'm up for that," Corden told our reporter in strictest confidence. "When Liam Gallagher called roly-poly Bolton funny man Peter Kay a fat fuck and threatened to effin deck him if they cross paths, I thought to myself - he wouldn't dare say that to me."

Corden, who is apparently a bit tasty because he's almost a proper cor blimey cockernee Vallance Road gangsta who once met David Beckham, reckons Liam's had his day.

"He used to be a bit tasty, but he's not that big - apart from his north and south - and he's never been the same since that German bouncer knocked his teeth out," Corden said. Again in strictest confidence. "I've done Patrick Stewart, then when I've given Liam a good belly bashing, I'll move on and graduate through the ranks. Maybe after Liam Gallagher I'll do Lennox Lewis, or David Haye, or Roy Keane. I'll fight anybody me, because I was in 'Lesbian Vampire Killers' and me best mate has Catherine Tate for a nan."

When our Manchester connected reporter, Donald Skoob, a Salford school caretaker, spoke to Liam Gallagher, the swaggering sweary one told him:

"Who's James Corden? Is he that smart arsed fat bastard who thinks he's funny? Send the fucker round our gaff and I'll polish his clock Kippax style. Hey, I'm a rock 'n' roll star me, from fucking Manchester. Have it. Have it large. Where is he? Let's have it? All right? Cockney wanker!"

Noel Gallagher, the more restrained brother who writes the songs for Oasis told us:

"Yeah, our Liam's a waster. And I'll never forgive the cock-end for smashing me guitar up in Paris. But he's me brother, and blood's blood. At the end of the day. If some fat cockney twat starts on our kid, I'll be right in there. How dare he? The fat fuck. If I pass him in the street I'll deck him spark out. No bother. I don't care how long I keep Sally waiting. Faster than a fuckin' cannonball me."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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