Canadian songstress Alanis Morissette today announced she will be marrying her crapper. The crapper, or toilet as its known in English, has been the best friend of the singer for a few years now since Morissette first discovered the joys of spending half an hour each day on the john, or toilet as its known in English, reading a copy of her favourite National Enquirer magazine.
Rumours began to spread in the tabloids about the relationship when Morissette was seen with the crapper dropping her kids off at the pool - that's taking a good shit in American.
Her maid Consuela Lopez said 'Alanis spends so much time on the bano, or toilet as its known in English, that myself and the rest of the staff began to joke she was in love with it. We would walk past the door when she was sat in the bathroom and we would hear strange grunting and moaning noises as if she was trying to pass a breeze block through her tiny arsehole. We then wondered if the noises were the lyrics for her next single - little did we know the sounds she was making were those of a woman in the throws of passion.'
The wedding date has not yet been set but Morrissette has been seen sporting a big ring - That was after a heavy night of twelve pints of Stella and a vindaloo but an application of Preparation H helped to reduce the swelling.