LONG BEACH, California - Jesse James was sitting in his office watching the MTV Movie Awards Show with Skittles Valentine, one of his tattooed cycle chicks.
Suddenly he saw his wife Sandra go up on stage to receive an award for Maintaining Proper Hygiene on a Movie Set.
As Bullock was thanking her dentist, her gynecologist, and her proctologist, she suddenly stopped and called Scarlett Johansson, who was on stage, over to where she was standing.
Scar, as she is called by her 94-year-old great grandmother Buffy, did as Bullock told her to do. Sandra then cupped Scarlett's face in her hands and planted a big lip lock right smack dab on her mouth.
Immediately Jesse jumped out of his chair causing Skittles who was sitting on his lap to fall to the floor. She spilled her beer and possum and cheese sandwich all over the floor.
Jesse started yelling, "Ya see, ya see, I wasn't the one that was messing around. Skittles, didn't I tell everyone that it was Sandy who was unfaithful (first) but no one believed me.
I know that her and Meryl Streep would kiss two or three times a week. And twice I caught her playing 'tonsil hockey' with Ellen DeGeneres. I told everyone she was a bi-kisser but no one believed me."
Skittles managed to pick herself up off the floor. She went into the restroom to wipe the possum sauce off of her West Coast Choppers T-shirt.
When she returned she saw Jesse on the phone. She asked him what he was doing and he said that he was calling The National Enquirer to tell them that he thinks that his wife has also made out with other female celebrities including Sharon Osbourne, Dolly Parton, Shakira, Ann Coulter, and Tatiana Del Toro.
Skittles poured them both another drink and she sat down on his lap and started playing with his Nazi helmet.
In other news. Reports that Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has stated that if the Louisiana oil spill reaches the shore of his country he will immediately launch an air strike assault against Louisiana.